Tag: black female writer

Episode 02 Ignoring Boundaries and Defiant Behavior

Mull and Wine Podcast
Mull and Wine Podcast
Episode 02 Ignoring Boundaries and Defiant Behavior

Understanding the Psychology of Defiant Behavior

Have you ever experienced someone blatantly ignoring your boundaries or doing something you explicitly said made you uncomfortable? In this episode, we discuss the psychological motives behind such defiant behavior.

First, we’ll talk about some of my pet peeves, and I invite you to reflect on your own irritations. From loud chewing to incessant interruptions, what sets you off? How do you deal with people who violate the boundaries you’ve set?

This discussion sets the stage for a deeper exploration into why certain behaviors trigger such strong reactions in us. We then introduce the concept of psychological reactance. This theory explains why people often do the very thing they’ve been asked not to do. When someone feels their freedom to choose is restricted, they may react by doing the opposite of what is requested. This defiance can stem from a need to reassert control or independence, often unconsciously.

I will share a series of relatable anecdotes where my boundaries were blatantly crossed. These stories illustrate the frustration and confusion that arise from such encounters. They highlight the emotional impact of boundary violations and the importance of respecting others’ limits.

I also invite listeners to share their own experiences with pet peeves and boundary violations. Let’s create a sense of community and support. Whether you’re seeking to understand why people behave defiantly or looking for strategies to handle such situations, this episode offers a few helpful suggestions.

Tune in to explore the intriguing psychology behind pet peeves and the need to do the opposite of what is requested. Discover how you can better manage these everyday challenges!

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Maybe She’ll Start Blogging Again

Ciao Lovelies,

Do you ever feel like your life is on a loop? Like you’re repeating the same experiences, meeting the same people, restarting the same projects. lather, rinse, repeat again and again and again? Well, I do. In my case, it’s to do with blogging.

For some reason, I keep circling back to blogging like it’s some kind of unfinished business. I’ve been a repeat offender of abandoning blogs for years. I’d just quit blogging and then after some time passed, I’d randomly start over, framing it as “reinventing” myself. It sounds like I’m being self-deprecating but I do actually stand by that part about reinventing myself. I firmly believe reinventing yourself is an essential part of healing, growing, and letting go of the things that no longer serve you.

The problem was I would reinvent myself but my writing would stay the same. See, I used to write about surface-level stuff like makeup, travel, and fashion – things that proper influencers focus on. But my heart wasn’t in it. Not for the long haul, at least. It’s not that I don’t enjoy those things or that I judge people for their chosen niche. I just couldn’t maintain the same level of enthusiasm and even when I pushed myself to keep going it felt inauthentic. I felt like a fraud. And so the cycle would repeat. I’d lose interest in the blog and abandon it until the next wave of inspiration came.

This blog is no exception. I started this blog when I moved to Italy. This time around I was going to be that ‘American in Italy’ influencer. I was determined to share aspirational stories about travel, luxury, food, wine, etc. Even in an oversaturated market, I believed I could stand out. But again, I couldn’t commit to it long-term. The passion just wasn’t there and eventually, I lost interest. Again.

Also, real life, real marriage, and real grief got in the way of creating any content at all. And let’s be honest, are people really still sitting down to read a blog these days?

I lost so much after moving to Italy. Friendship, independence, courage, and two babies. I’ve come to accept that I’ll never get back to that person I was before and in accepting that I feel lighter. This is the most important reinvention I’ll ever have. And I think it will be the one that saves me in the end.

Even though I’d experienced some losses, I still had some wins after moving to Italy. Don’t get me wrong, I am, for the most part, happy with my life. I kept writing and also founded Mel Noir Creative for voice acting, writing and producing user-generated content. I’ve been keeping busy. I have Faith that things will continue to get better and that I will continue to attract good things and good people. When that day comes, who knows, maybe I’ll start blogging again. Maybe I’ll have something real – something memorable – to say. Maybe I’ll have found my own unique voice and I’ll be able to write from my own unique point of view.

Maybe by the time I circle back to blogging again, I’ll have found the courage to speak my truth, be it good or bad.

If there is anyone out there who is reading this I hope you find what you’re looking for and are able to find your own voice too and share it with the world.

Until then,

Ciao for now.