Is It Possible to Rediscover Who You Were After Tragedy?

It took a while, but I’ve finally accepted that I’ll never be the person I was before the miscarriages. I’ve talked about going through two miscarriages at 17 weeks each on other platforms and on my podcast. It was the most painful year of my life and the experience changed me forever. The trauma still lingers years later.

Sometimes, I feel like my old self, but then I slip up, say the wrong thing, or forget how I used to laugh—it’s as if I’m playing a part rather than living authentically. That can be an unstable feeling. Even though I know I’ll never be the same, I’m stubborn and find it hard to let go of the old me entirely. I look back at old videos and photos and think, “Who is she?” quickly followed by, “Who am I?”

It’s crazy how life can change in an instant. One moment, everything is normal and every day feels like an adventure; the next, a tragedy shifts your world so dramatically that you struggle to recognize yourself. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a sudden illness, or another life-altering event, the aftermath can leave you feeling lost, disoriented, and disconnected from who you once were.

I know the sinking feeling of realizing that the person you see in the mirror is a stranger. The vibrant person who once thrived with purpose is replaced by someone weighed down by grief. It’s a deeply personal experience, but it’s one that many of us share. We’re not alone.

When tragedy strikes, it’s easy to feel like your identity has been hijacked. You might find yourself questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. The activities you once loved might seem meaningless, and your dreams might feel out of reach. The pain can be so consuming that it’s hard to imagine ever feeling whole again.

Yet, amidst the darkness, there is a glimmer of hope: the possibility of rediscovering yourself. It’s not a quick or easy process, and every day I stumble, but with patience and self-compassion, you can find your way back to the person you want to be.

Here’s what I’m doing to find my way through the fog:

Allow Yourself to Grieve
At first, I made the mistake of suppressing my feelings. It only prolonged the suffering and led to self-destructive behavior. Don’t make that mistake. Give yourself permission to grieve. Accept that it’s okay to feel lost and vulnerable. Embrace your emotions as part of the healing process. Talk to a therapist, join a support group, or simply confide in a trusted friend. Expressing your pain can be incredibly cathartic.

Reconnect with Your Passions
This one is tough. I’ve lost my passion for many things, but I haven’t given up on trying to reclaim it. I’ve even explored new hobbies to see if there might be a spark. It’s been helpful. Finding joy in the things I do has played a strong role in helping me reconnect with myself. Discovering or rediscovering your passions can help reignite your sense of purpose.

Practice Self-Compassion
I’ve got the hang of this one! Be gentle with yourself during this period of self-discovery. It’s easy to become frustrated or self-critical when progress feels slow. Remind yourself that healing is a journey, not a race. Celebrate small victories and be patient with setbacks. Practicing self-compassion allows you to approach yourself with kindness, which is essential for rediscovering your identity.

Create New Goals and Dreams
Remember when I said I’m stubborn? Letting go of long-held dreams and starting over has been overwhelming and frustrating. I’ve come to accept that tragedy shifts our perspectives, and as a result, our goals and dreams may evolve. Take this opportunity to reflect on what truly matters to you now. What are your new aspirations? What kind of life do you want to build moving forward? Setting new goals can provide direction and help you reconnect with a sense of purpose.

Seek Support and Guidance
Sometimes, finding your way back requires a little help from others. Reach out to mentors, counselors, or support networks that can provide guidance and encouragement. Remember, you’re not alone in your struggle.

Embrace the Journey
Remember that rediscovering yourself is a journey, not a destination. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. But it’s a process of learning, growing, and adapting. Embrace the journey with an open heart and mind.

Finding your way back to yourself after tragedy isn’t about erasing the pain or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about honoring your experience, finding new meaning, and reclaiming your sense of self. It’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the profound capacity we have to heal and grow. As you navigate this path, know that you have the strength to rediscover the person you were always meant to be.

Listen to Episode 03 of the Mull and Wine Podcast!