It’s the first day of July.

It’s been too long since I’ve uploaded a blog post.

Today felt like the day.

I never expected to fully recover from the trauma of losing two babies. Someone reminded me that it’s been four years and I should be over it by now. I told them sometimes it feels like yesterday.

They didn’t get it.

Secretly, I’ve wished for the same or similar experiences to happen to the people who lack empathy. The ones who looked me dead in my face with blank expressions as I broke down in tears because they made an insensitive remark. I wanted so badly for them to feel the same hurt and to know what it’s like to have people show indifference.

I think I’ll always secretly hate those people. I don’t care if makes me seem like a bad person. I don’t actually want other people to lose babies but I’m not going to pretend that I’m the bigger person, I’ve evolved and my personal growth and healing means never having a negative thought.

I refuse to be apart of that toxic positivity crowd. Some days are good and I find myself laughing and almost myself again. Some days I remember the loss and the hopelessness and the isolation. I remember all the other bad things and bad people who came along because they sensed I was vulnerable. Being taken advantage of when I was too weak to defend myself is another part of why it’s so hard to “get over” it.

Healing after trauma is not a linear process. It involves ups and downs, progress, and setbacks. The key is to be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel the pain and acknowledge your emotions. Bottling up feelings or pretending they don’t exist only prolongs the healing process.

One essential aspect of healing is seeking support. Whether it’s from friends, family, or a mental health professional, having someone to talk to can make a significant difference.

“Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is relax. Taking time for self-care and relaxation is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.”

Where there was no real support from the people in my life, I was lucky enough to find it online. Knowing there were other women who can relate to my experiences helped so much. I felt less isolated and more understood.

Trauma changes the way the brain works, honestly. I had trouble thinking – if that makes sense. Everything I used to do with ease became overwhelming. I was paralyzed by self-doubt, fear, or external obstacles. I had to commit to setting realistic goals. Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. It didn’t take away those roadblocks entirely but it did make things feel less overwhelming and gave me a sense of accomplishment along the way.

It sounds so cliché but I also had to change my mindset. Instead of seeing obstacles as insurmountable, I pushed myself to view them as opportunities for growth. Challenges test our limits, but they also expand them. “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance,” said philosopher Alan Watts. Embrace change and use it as a catalyst for personal development.

Letting go of the past can be one of the hardest things to do, but it’s also one of the most liberating. Holding onto past hurts and regrets weighs you down and prevents you from living fully in the present. Once I started acknowledging what I was holding onto I was able to take the first step toward release.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool in letting go. Forgiving others—and yourself—doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the pain caused. It means freeing yourself from the grip of bitterness and resentment. I don’t see myself forgiving anyone who still doesn’t care about me but I can forgive myself for being naive enough to think they ever cared about me. 

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude,” said Martin Luther King Jr.

Cultivate this attitude to release the past and embrace the future.

Here are some practical tips I picked up for Healing, Overcoming, and Letting Go

1. Seek Support: If you’re lucky enough to have friends or a support group and can see a therapist, talking about your experiences can be incredibly healing.
2. Set Goals: Break down your healing journey into small, achievable steps. Celebrate each milestone.
3. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
4. Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices help you stay grounded in the present and reduce anxiety about the past or future.
5. Forgive and Release: Work on forgiving those who have hurt you, including yourself. Let go of grudges and embrace peace.

Healing after trauma, overcoming roadblocks, and letting go of the past are not easy tasks, but they are essential for living a fulfilling life. Remember, you have the strength within you to overcome any challenge. Embrace your journey with an open heart and mind. The road to healing is a personal one, and while it may be tough, it’s also incredibly rewarding.

Little by little I’m getting there.

Stay inspired and keep moving forward. Every step you take is a victory. Remember, the past does not define you—the present does. Embrace it fully and look forward to the future with hope and determination.

Ciao for now,

Listen to the first episode of the Mull and Wine Podcast, “Don’t Get Stuck in the Mud.”
https://dawnmelissadoes.xyz/podcast/dont-get-stuck-in-the-mud/