Do you ever feel like your life is on a loop? Like you’re repeating the same experiences, meeting the same people, restarting the same projects. lather, rinse, repeat again and again and again? Well, I do. In my case, it’s to do with blogging.
For some reason, I keep circling back to blogging like it’s some kind of unfinished business. I’ve been a repeat offender of abandoning blogs for years. I’d just quit blogging and then after some time passed, I’d randomly start over, framing it as “reinventing” myself. It sounds like I’m being self-deprecating but I do actually stand by that part about reinventing myself. I firmly believe reinventing yourself is an essential part of healing, growing, and letting go of the things that no longer serve you.
The problem was I would reinvent myself but my writing would stay the same. See, I used to write about surface-level stuff like makeup, travel, and fashion – things that proper influencers focus on. But my heart wasn’t in it. Not for the long haul, at least. It’s not that I don’t enjoy those things or that I judge people for their chosen niche. I just couldn’t maintain the same level of enthusiasm and even when I pushed myself to keep going it felt inauthentic. I felt like a fraud. And so the cycle would repeat. I’d lose interest in the blog and abandon it until the next wave of inspiration came.
This blog is no exception. I started this blog when I moved to Italy. This time around I was going to be that ‘American in Italy’ influencer. I was determined to share aspirational stories about travel, luxury, food, wine, etc. Even in an oversaturated market, I believed I could stand out. But again, I couldn’t commit to it long-term. The passion just wasn’t there and eventually, I lost interest. Again.
Also, real life, real marriage, and real grief got in the way of creating any content at all. And let’s be honest, are people really still sitting down to read a blog these days?
I lost so much after moving to Italy. Friendship, independence, courage, and two babies. I’ve come to accept that I’ll never get back to that person I was before and in accepting that I feel lighter. This is the most important reinvention I’ll ever have. And I think it will be the one that saves me in the end.
Even though I’d experienced some losses, I still had some wins after moving to Italy. Don’t get me wrong, I am, for the most part, happy with my life. I kept writing and also founded Mel Noir Creative for voice acting, writing and producing user-generated content. I’ve been keeping busy. I have Faith that things will continue to get better and that I will continue to attract good things and good people. When that day comes, who knows, maybe I’ll start blogging again. Maybe I’ll have something real – something memorable – to say. Maybe I’ll have found my own unique voice and I’ll be able to write from my own unique point of view.
Maybe by the time I circle back to blogging again, I’ll have found the courage to speak my truth, be it good or bad.
If there is anyone out there who is reading this I hope you find what you’re looking for and are able to find your own voice too and share it with the world.
Ciao for now.